Fair Suck or Shake!

Can this be true? 

I'm still in bed in the middle of the day! 

Alas it is true. I'm sick. 

Yesterday I felt worse than I do today, but I didn't stay in bed. I went to the doctor and she gave me the name of what it is that's wrong with me. It's called "labyrinthitis". 

It's okay, I'm not going to bore you with details of my symptoms, treatment and scars, the way some hypochondriacle people do. Suffice to say I have a virus which is affecting my labyrinth (I didn't even know I possessed such a thing) which is apparently a small bony chamber situated deep in the inner ear. If you have 2 ears, you have 2 labyrinths and they sense, control and maintain the balance of the body. So, this is why I've been feeling (and looking) as though I'm on a nightmarish, never-ending boat trip across Bass Strait.

Well it could be worse I suppose .... I could have the dreaded Swine Flu.

Anyway as I've been lying here trying hard not to move my head, I've been thinking about our Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd. I've been thinking about how he misquoted that gorgeous Aussie ockerism 'Fair suck of the sauce bottle, mate'; and I want to explain why he got it wrong (he said shake instead of suck - in case you're from another planet or country). Crikey has a more indepth explanation here

I reckon he got it wrong because he's a Queenslander! Queenslanders get a lot of things wrong. When I moved to Townsville from Adelaide 23 years ago, I had to learn a whole new language! Well that's what it seemed like, anyway.

For example: see the picture below? I grew up thinking these were called icy poles or simply iceblocks.

When I first arrived in Towsville I discovered that the Queensland name for them was a "By-jingo". Though I must admit I haven't heard that name for some time.

In Queensland school bags are called "ports"

Suitcases are also called "ports". Short for portmanteau, I guess.

And you thought this was called a dressing table, didn't you?

No. Up here in sunny, funny Queensland it's called a "Duchess"

A street directory is called a "referdex", a freeway is called a "motorway". And cocktail frankfurts? Well, they're called "cheerios" - of course, what else?

But the most devastating discovery I made when I first moved to Queensland is that there is no such thing as 'fritz' here! Oh, there is something which vaguely resembles fritz .... until you remove the packaging. Then you discover that it's not even close to fritz ..... I mean, it has a consistency almost the same as pate and tastes like dog-food even after you've given a "fair shake of the sauce bottle" all over it!

I think I'll start a Facebook group demanding that South Aussie fritz be imported to Queensland!

I mean, fair suck of the sauce bottle fellas!